Terms of Use
You're reading the terms. Look at you. Your mother raised a careful one.
The Plain-English Version
This is a comedy site. Your Jew Rating is a joke, not a judgment. Don't rely on it for anything real, don't submit anything vile, and don't pass Rabbi Schmuel off as an actual rabbi. Use it, laugh, share it, call your mother. The longer version below is the same thing in the language the lawyers like.
§1 Agreeing to These Terms
By being here, you've already agreed. That's how it works. Ask any contract.
By accessing or using GoodJewBadJew.com (the "Site"), you agree to these Terms of Use and to our Privacy Policy. If you do not agree, please do not use the Site. We may update these Terms at any time, and your continued use after a change means you accept the updated version.
§2 It's Satire. All of It.
If you came here for a binding ruling on your soul, you have taken a wrong turn.
The Site is a work of parody, satire, and entertainment. Nothing on it is an authoritative or accurate measure of Jewish identity, practice, observance, heritage, status, or worth. The "Jew Rating," the scores, the tiers, and the reactions are jokes with no real meaning of any kind. Nothing here is religious, legal, medical, financial, or professional advice. Do not rely on anything on the Site for any real decision, and do not treat any result as a fact about you or anyone else.
§3 Rabbi Schmuel Is Not a Real Rabbi
He is a cartoon. A very judgmental cartoon, but a cartoon.
Rabbi Schmuel is a fictional character created for comedic purposes. He is not a real person, is not a licensed, ordained, or otherwise recognized clergy member of any kind, and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or authorized to speak for any synagogue, congregation, denomination, religious organization, or religious authority. Any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead, or merely disappointed in you, is entirely coincidental.
§4 Content You Submit
Send us your best questions. Send us your worst. We'll know the difference.
The Site lets you submit quiz questions and other content ("Submissions"). You are solely responsible for what you submit. You represent that you own or have the right to submit it and that it does not violate any law or any third party's rights.
By submitting, you grant us a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive license to use, store, reproduce, edit, adapt, publish, display, and distribute your Submission on the Site and in related promotion, in whole or in part, with or without changes, and with or without credit. We are under no obligation to use, keep, or return any Submission, and we may edit Submissions for length, clarity, or comedy, or reject them entirely, at our sole discretion.
Do not submit anything unlawful, hateful, harassing, defamatory, obscene, infringing, or that targets or demeans any person or group. We may remove any content and restrict any user at any time, for any reason or no reason.
§5 Our Stuff
The rabbi, the jokes, the guilt trips. Ours.
The Site and its content, including its text, design, code, graphics, the Rabbi Schmuel character, and the marks "Jew Rating" and "Go Call Your Mother," are owned by us or our licensors and are protected by intellectual property laws. You may not copy, reproduce, republish, scrape, or create derivative works from the Site or its content without our written permission, except for ordinary personal use such as sharing a link or your own result.
§6 Things You Agree Not to Do
Behave. The rabbi is watching. Allegedly.
You agree not to: use the Site for any unlawful purpose; scrape, harvest, or collect data from the Site by automated means; attempt to access, tamper with, reverse engineer, or disrupt the Site, its servers, or its database; upload malicious code; impersonate anyone; use the Site to harass, threaten, or defame; or use the Site or any result to make a real judgment about any person's identity, religion, or character. It is a joke. Keep it a joke.
§7 No Warranties
The Site is provided as-is, like a casserole from a relative. Proceed at your own risk.
The Site is provided "as is" and "as available," without warranties of any kind, whether express or implied, including any implied warranty of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, accuracy, or non-infringement. We do not warrant that the Site will be uninterrupted, secure, error-free, or that any result will be accurate, meaningful, or emotionally survivable.
§8 Limitation of Liability
If the quiz ruins your day, that's between you and your day.
To the fullest extent permitted by law, we and our creators, owners, and affiliates will not be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, consequential, or punitive damages, or for any loss arising out of or relating to your use of the Site, including hurt feelings, family arguments, existential dread, or a disappointing score. Our total liability for any claim relating to the Site will not exceed one hundred United States dollars, or the amount you paid to use the Site, which is nothing.
§9 Indemnification
You agree to indemnify and hold harmless the Site and its creators, owners, and affiliates from and against any claims, damages, losses, or expenses, including reasonable legal fees, arising out of your use of the Site, your Submissions, or your violation of these Terms.
§10 Third-Party Services
We use a few helpers. They have their own rules, which we do not control.
The Site relies on third-party services, including database and hosting providers and a contact-form provider, and it loads fonts and scripts from third-party networks. We are not responsible for those services, their content, or their availability, and their handling of any information is governed by their own policies. See our Privacy Policy for details.
§11 Changes and Termination
We may modify, suspend, or discontinue the Site or any part of it at any time, with or without notice. We may also update these Terms; the "last updated" date below will change when we do.
§12 Governing Law
These Terms are governed by the laws of the State of California, United States, without regard to its conflict-of-laws rules. Any dispute arising from these Terms or the Site will be handled in the state or federal courts located in California, and you consent to the jurisdiction of those courts.
§13 Contact
Questions about these Terms? Email the rabbi at rabbi@goodjewbadjew.com. He's busy, but he'll get to it. Eventually. Probably.